Too Soonjokes

China paused October fuel exports and the White House is begging France and Germany for diesel. America went from "drill baby drill" to "can we borrow a cup of diesel."

The Supreme Court tossed the White House's mail-voting restrictions four days after a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot, and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you fill it out correctly. The Post Office is the only branch that has to touch both.

The president says he's "not in a hurry" to negotiate with Iran. He's right. Hurry is for people whose house is under the flight path.

The Supreme Court tossed the mail-voting restrictions the same week a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you get it right. The Post Office has to touch both.

The White House barred several left-leaning news outlets from the briefing room this week. The president says the press is free. It is. It's just outside, on the lawn, next to where the East Wing used to be.

The president marked 9/11 with a steel beam from the World Trade Center at a ceremony near the White House. The beam has been to more solemn events than most of the people standing next to it.