Too Soonjokes

China paused October fuel exports and the White House is begging France and Germany for diesel. America went from "drill baby drill" to "can we borrow a cup of diesel."

The Supreme Court says states can restrict mail voting. The Post Office says it might reject batches. And the president says the mail is rigged. The only thing in America that all three branches agree on is that your letter's not getting there.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

The US now controls 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, eight months after grabbing the president. Marco Rubio called it "a partnership." So is a payday loan.

Iran offered a 7-day plan to reopen Hormuz. Trump rejected it. Nobody wants a week-long deal from a guy who can't even commit to a week-long trial subscription.

The Supreme Court tossed the mail-voting restrictions the same week a $5,000-if-you-vote-right offer went out on Fox. So the Court says mail your ballot and the White House says there's a check in the mail if you get it right. The Post Office has to touch both.