Too Soonjokes

Trump wants a "lasting" peace with Iran. He's said that about every marriage too.

The Iran war is on Day 238. It's lasted longer than every New Year's resolution, every Kardashian marriage and every Bachelor couple combined.

Bitcoin dropped 40%. The people who called it "digital gold" are now calling it "a long-term play," which is what you say about a marriage after the affair.

Trump meets Xi next week and China is urging both the U.S. and Iran back to the table. The country that buys Iran's oil and sells us the phones is now the mediator. It's a divorce where the marriage counselor is also the landlord.

A family of four killed in Gaza the week officials called the ceasefire "holding." Holding is the word for something you're about to drop, and they've been dropping it since October.

Trump's approval is at 36 percent, an all-time low. That's lower than Spirit Airlines, gas station sushi and my uncle at Thanksgiving.