The man convicted of orchestrating Tupac's murder is the uncle of the shooter, who died in 1998. So the case was solved by everyone else dying first. That's the Vegas method.
More on Crime and courts, Death, aging, and the rest of it
Related jokes
Tupac's killer was convicted in Las Vegas after 30 years. He'd been telling the story on camera for a decade. Vegas finally found the one guy who didn't understand what happens in Vegas.
by Anonymous · 55% say too soon (826 votes)
Dave Bautista showed off his body transformation to play Kratos in God of War. He's 57 and getting shredded to play a god who murders his family. In Hollywood that's not a role, that's a retirement plan.
by Anonymous · 50% say too soon (277 votes)
Newsom's $787 million suit against Fox goes to trial in March 2028. By then he'll be running for president and Fox will have a fresh lie ready for the trial coverage.
by Anonymous · 22% say too soon (122 votes)
Keffe D got convicted for Tupac after confessing on every platform but LinkedIn. And the only reason it wasn't LinkedIn is that "orchestrated a murder" doesn't fit the character limit.
by Anonymous · 22% say too soon (122 votes)
A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private facility gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's a line item, signed at 2 a.m.
by Anonymous · 32% say too soon (114 votes)
Senator Roger Marshall sued 700 of his own patients over bills when he was a doctor and had 81 arrested. He's on the health committee. The Hippocratic Oath says first do no harm. His said first send it to collections.
by Anonymous · 34% say too soon (308 votes)
or with a username