Too Soonjokes

China's parade showed off hypersonic missiles, underwater drones, and robot wolves. America responded with a strongly worded tariff.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

CES in January had a robot for everything: a robot that folds laundry, a robot that walks the dog, a robot that listens to your problems. None of them pay rent, so they're just roommates.

Cuba went free market. Sixty years of embargo and what finally broke them was the last guy in Havana wanting an iPhone.

Ebola hit a seventh Congolese province. It's the fastest-growing outbreak on record in the east, and burial teams make $20 a day. It got less coverage than a folding phone. The algorithm has a passport and it doesn't go there.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.