Too Soonjokes

The Pope's first encyclical is 42,000 words warning that AI will devastate workers. It was summarized by AI, translated by AI, and read by a bishop's intern who's about to be replaced by AI.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. and the Batman rights. The Dark Knight will now be recommended to you next to a Norwegian baking show and a documentary about a cult.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.

Ten inches of rain expected on Kauai. The good news is the chickens can finally leave.

The president told the UN that climate change is a hoax and escalators are broken. One of those was a policy position and one was a complaint about the building. Nobody could tell which.

The Michael Jackson biopic is the second highest-grossing music biopic ever. The highest is about Freddie Mercury. Hollywood has learned that the audience wants a genius and a tragedy, and will pay extra if it's the same guy.