Too Soonjokes

Good Wednesday, everybody. The phone costs $2,000, the war's in month seven, the giraffe's still loose in Texas, and Apple skipped 9/11 for preorders out of respect, then charged the price of a funeral. Surprise and shine.

Apple's folding phone starts at $2,000. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

Apple glasses will monitor your health. The first notification will be "Screen time: 14 hours." The second will be "Your family is in the other room."

Apple named it the iPhone Duo. Duo. Like the language app that guilts you with an owl. This one guilts you with a monthly statement.

Wednesday, September 9, 2026: Apple sold a phone for the price of a used car, the Navy sank five ships and posted the video, a Guardsman pulled a gun over a haircut, and the NFL started on a Wednesday. In 2016, the weirdest thing was a dress.

Apple's folding phone costs $2,000 and preorders were moved off September 11 out of respect. Then it was priced like a funeral. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.