Too Soonjokes

Yields at 2007 levels, oil at $100, and a $5,000 election bribe on the table. The economy isn't in a recession. It's in a hostage negotiation, and the hostage is your 401(k).

This Congress holds the record for the longest shutdown in history and they're all up for re-election. Democracy is a dog that keeps eating the chocolate.

Day 196. The president says the war ends "immediately after the election." The troops don't have an election. They have a deployment, a hip, and a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.

Trump says the war ends "immediately after the election" and gas stays high till November because Iran wants to sway the vote. So the war has a release date and the troops don't.