Too Soonjokes

Practical Magic 2 opened yesterday. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witches whose curse kills every man they love. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up. Also true of most marriages, and the Rams' defense.

Practical Magic 2 is out. The curse still says every man the witches love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise with a complete arc. Same as most marriages.

Practical Magic 2 opened today, 28 years after the first one, about two witches whose men keep dying. The Emmys are Monday. Fashion Week is through the 15th. The country's on fire in four time zones, and Hollywood's offering witches, a red carpet, and a $12,000 coat. That's not escapism, that's a closing argument.

Practical Magic 2, opening today, is about aunts who are older, daughters who are grown, and a curse that kills every man they love. Twenty-eight years and the curse is the only character with a complete arc.

Practical Magic 2 and a Resident Evil reboot open the same weekend. A movie about witches who kill husbands and a movie about a virus that kills everyone. They call that counterprogramming. In Michigan we call it Thanksgiving.

Dave Bautista showed off his body transformation to play Kratos in God of War. He's 57 and getting shredded to play a god who murders his family. In Hollywood that's not a role, that's a retirement plan.