Too Soonjokes

Day 217 of the Iran war. At this point the war has outlasted three iPhone colors, two Fast & Furious sequels and every New Year's resolution in America.

Widow's Bay won 14 Emmys, the most ever for a comedy. It's a horror comedy on Apple TV. Television gave its all-time record to a show about the dead, streamed by a company selling a $2,000 phone. The industry finally found its genre.

Apple's first folding phone is called the iPhone Duo. Two screens, $2,000, and it closes on itself. It's the first iPhone designed to be slammed shut during an argument.

Apple named it the iPhone Duo. Duo. Like the language app that guilts you with an owl. This one guilts you with a monthly statement.

Saturday, September 12: the Houthis have an island, Saudi shut a pipeline, Norway's leaving, a robot hacked a library and the librarian quit, the president's golfing in Ireland, a woman in remission lost her insurance for not being sick enough, and a 23-year-old plays for the first American major in 23 years tomorrow. Tell one. Vote. Watch the tennis.

iPhone Duo preorders open October 16, the same day as the four-hour Musk documentary. Two thousand dollars for a phone that folds, four hours for a man who won't. Same afternoon. Same audience. Same regret.