Too Soonjokes

Thirty-three House Republicans skipped their own convention and the president spoke for 104 minutes anyway. It's a wedding where the groom's side didn't show and the bride read the vows to the caterer.

Thirty-three House Republicans skipped the party's own convention in Dallas. That's not a rally, that's a wedding where the groom's side didn't show. The bride gave a 104-minute speech anyway.

The White House barred several left-leaning news outlets from the briefing room this week. The president says the press is free. It is. It's just outside, on the lawn, next to where the East Wing used to be.

Trump spoke for an hour and 44 minutes at the convention. The Gettysburg Address was two minutes. He's now spoken longer than Lincoln, Kennedy, and the entire Iran war strategy combined.

The president marked 9/11 with a steel beam from the World Trade Center at a ceremony near the White House. The beam has been to more solemn events than most of the people standing next to it.

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.