Too Soonjokes

Trump said the war ends after the election because Iran "can't hold out." Iran's been holding out since 1979. That's 47 years of holding out. The one thing Iran has more of than oil is patience, and we just hit its coast.

The war "ends after the election," the president says. So does the price of gas, apparently. Everything in America now has a November expiration date except the debt, the war dead, and the guy who said it.

Day 196. The president says the war ends "immediately after the election." The troops don't have an election. They have a deployment, a hip, and a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

"The war ends immediately after the election," the president said, then flew to Ireland. So the war has a release date, the troops have a deployment, and the president has a tee time. Three schedules. One of them's fun.

Trump's $5,000 election dividend costs $1.3 trillion. The Iran war has cost $95 billion. So the plan is: win the war, sell the peace, pay the voters, bill the kids. It's a mafia movie where everyone gets whacked by compound interest.

Trump called the Iran war "small potatoes" and "not a big thing." Six months, thousands dead, gas at $5. If that's small potatoes, the man's never bought groceries, which we knew.