Too Soonjokes

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, DC, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns Batman, the news, and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Netflix owns Warner Bros., HBO, CNN, Batman, and the NFL's Australia game. The company that mailed you DVDs now owns the news and the thing you fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

Netflix bought Warner Bros., got the NFL in Australia, and is streaming the Emmys' nominees. The company that used to mail you DVDs now owns Batman, Ben Shelton's highlights, and the next thing you'll fall asleep to. That's not a media company. That's a hospice with a login.

A regular-season NFL game in Australia at 8 a.m. their time. Fans in Melbourne will watch football before work. Fans in Detroit will watch it at 4 a.m. and call in sick, which is a Michigan tradition older than the Lions' last title.

The 49ers play the Rams in Melbourne tonight on Netflix. Two California teams flew 16 hours to play at 8 a.m. Australian time. The kickoff's an ad for a streaming service, the game's an ad for jet lag.

Australia banned social media for kids under 16. Ten million teenagers lost their phones in a day. The suicide hotline got busier and the birth rate didn't.