Too Soonjokes

Practical Magic 2 opened yesterday. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witches whose curse kills every man they love. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up. Also true of most marriages, and the Rams' defense.

Practical Magic 2 opens today. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are back as witches whose curse says every man they love dies. After 28 years the curse is the only thing in the franchise that held up, and honestly, same as most marriages.

Practical Magic 2, opening today, is about aunts who are older, daughters who are grown, and a curse that kills every man they love. Twenty-eight years and the curse is the only character with a complete arc.

Practical Magic 2 and a Resident Evil reboot open the same weekend. A movie about witches who kill husbands and a movie about a virus that kills everyone. They call that counterprogramming. In Michigan we call it Thanksgiving.

Practical Magic 2 opened today, 28 years after the first one, about two witches whose men keep dying. The Emmys are Monday. Fashion Week is through the 15th. The country's on fire in four time zones, and Hollywood's offering witches, a red carpet, and a $12,000 coat. That's not escapism, that's a closing argument.

The Iran war is on Day 238. It's lasted longer than every New Year's resolution, every Kardashian marriage and every Bachelor couple combined.