Too Soonjokes

Day 196. The president says the war ends "immediately after the election." The troops don't have an election. They have a deployment, a hip, and a magnet on their mom's car that's faded to pink.

Trump says the war ends "immediately after the election" and gas stays high till November because Iran wants to sway the vote. So the war has a release date and the troops don't.

The war "ends after the election," the president says. So does the price of gas, apparently. Everything in America now has a November expiration date except the debt, the war dead, and the guy who said it.

Trump offered every adult $5,000 to vote right, then went golfing in Ireland. The check clears after the election. The golf clears now.

Trump made $4.4 million on oil stocks since the war started, according to CNBC. He also said the war ends after the election. So the man who profits from the war has set the date it ends, and it's the day after he doesn't need it.

The Supreme Court says states can restrict mail voting. The Post Office says it might reject batches. And the president says the mail is rigged. The only thing in America that all three branches agree on is that your letter's not getting there.