Too Soonjokes

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president has offered the country a bribe in front of it, on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.

Trump says the Iran war will end "very soon, probably right after the midterms." First war in history with a campaign schedule. Shock and awe, then get out the vote.

Trump promised every adult $5,000 if Republicans win the midterms. That's $1.3 trillion. It's the first time a president offered the country a bribe on camera, with a number. The IRS will tax it.

Trump on Iran: "I'm trying to be nice, we've got to deal with somebody." Same speech every guy gives right before his third divorce.

Trump promised $5,000 to every adult. Gas has cost the average family $780 extra this year. So the deal is: give us four more years of the war, and we'll refund six of them.

Trump meets Xi next week and China is urging both the U.S. and Iran back to the table. The country that buys Iran's oil and sells us the phones is now the mediator. It's a divorce where the marriage counselor is also the landlord.