Too Soonjokes

Apple is building smart glasses that track your health. Great, the device that killed my attention span can now watch me die and sync it to iCloud.

Apple moved iPhone preorders to avoid September 11. Respectful. Then they priced the phone at $2,000, which is its own kind of attack on the family.

Apple's folding phone costs $2,000 and preorders were moved off September 11 out of respect. Then it was priced like a funeral. For that money in Detroit you get a Buick, and the Buick also folds if you hit a pole.

Good Wednesday, everybody. The phone costs $2,000, the war's in month seven, the giraffe's still loose in Texas, and Apple skipped 9/11 for preorders out of respect, then charged the price of a funeral. Surprise and shine.

Apple's first folding phone is called the iPhone Duo. Two screens, $2,000, and it closes on itself. It's the first iPhone designed to be slammed shut during an argument.

Apple says the new Watch Ultra 4 tracks 45 hours of continuous workout. Nobody has 45 hours. The only people awake that long are ER residents, and they can't afford the watch.