Too Soonjokes

Twentieth death in an ICE facility this year. They're calling it self-deportation.

Congress funded the government through December 11. It's hospice care with a press release.

A glacier collapsed and took a valley with it. Ice, it turns out, has a deadline. Congress might want to look into that.

Fashion Week: seven days of thin people wearing things nobody will buy, reviewed by people nobody reads, in a city nobody can afford. Congress with better lighting, worse snacks, and the same number of women in charge.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.