Too Soonjokes

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

A glacier collapsed in the Himalayas and the flood killed 900 people. Scientists warned about this for 20 years. Turns out the glacier read the report and we didn't.

The twentieth death in an ICE jail this year. That's more than the number of days Congress has spent on it, combined.

The shutdown closed national parks, so people just walked in. Turns out the Grand Canyon works without a ranger. So does Congress, and that's the problem.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

Congress funded the government through December 11. It's hospice care with a press release.