Too Soonjokes

Practical Magic 2 is a Warner Bros. movie, which means Netflix owns it now. The witches will be recommended to you next to a Korean dating show and a documentary about a cult. That's what a curse looks like in 2026.

A $130 million sequel to a 1998 movie about witches opens against a Resident Evil reboot next week. Witches versus zombies. Two franchises about women who won't die and men who should.

Netflix bought Warner Bros. and the Batman rights. The Dark Knight will now be recommended to you next to a Norwegian baking show and a documentary about a cult.

Practical Magic 2 cost $130 million and opens against a Resident Evil reboot. Witches versus zombies. Two franchises about women who can't die and men who deserve to.

Practical Magic 2 opened today, 28 years after the first one, about two witches whose men keep dying. The Emmys are Monday. Fashion Week is through the 15th. The country's on fire in four time zones, and Hollywood's offering witches, a red carpet, and a $12,000 coat. That's not escapism, that's a closing argument.

CNN now belongs to Netflix. The news will be autoplaying, skippable, and recommended to you next to a Korean cooking show. That's an improvement.