Too Soonjokes

Friday, September 11, 2026: 25 years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a president who remembers being carried, a quarterback who remembers being carted, and 100,000 Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. Also, what time's the tennis.

Ben Shelton beat Tiafoe and plays Zverev Sunday for the first American men's major in 23 years. Zverev's quote: "Hopefully I can not make the American dream come true." A German rooting against the American dream in New York. That's the first honest villain the city's had since the Yankees.

Friday, September 11, 2026: twenty-five years since the towers, 196 days into the next war, a $5,000 bribe on the table, a quarterback carted off six plays into a title defense, a kid who beat the best player alive at 3:30 a.m., and a hundred thousand Australians who couldn't see the field. Never forget. What time's the tennis.

Trump met Ireland's president and prime minister between rounds of golf. Ireland has survived famine, empire, and the Catholic Church. It'll survive a weekend of being told the course is the best in the world.

The Philippines issued an arrest warrant for its Vice President for threatening to have the President killed. In America we call that a primary.

Ebola hit a seventh Congolese province. It's the fastest-growing outbreak on record in the east, and burial teams make $20 a day. It got less coverage than a folding phone. The algorithm has a passport and it doesn't go there.