Too Soonjokes

ICE got a judge to approve force-feeding a hunger striker through a surgical procedure without his consent. He's the 19th hunger striker in custody. The agency that can't find a giraffe found a judge at 2 a.m.

ICE is buying robot dogs. The real dogs kept refusing to bite the people who fed them.

Robot dogs at the border. The Secretary who ordered them wrote a book about shooting her actual dog. This is the first time a K-9 unit has ever needed a bodyguard.

Two million dollars for ICE robot dogs. Congress asked how they'd be used. The answer was "operational flexibility," which is what you say when the dog's still in the box.

The last twelve months: a shutdown, an invasion, a war, a trillionaire, a heist, a wedding, three hurricanes, and a robot dog. If you wrote it as a novel, the editor would say "too much." If you lived it, you'd say "at least the Knicks won."

A judge approved surgically force-feeding a hunger striker in ICE custody. The private facility gets paid per body per day. Keeping him alive isn't mercy, it's a line item, signed at 2 a.m.