Madonna leads the VMAs at 68. MTV hasn't played a video since 2008. The product's dead and the ceremony continues, which is the plan for the census, the Senate, and most marriages.
More on Congress, Elections and voting, Music, Family and marriage
Related jokes
The 2030 census will no longer count immigrants without green cards or ask about race. So America's plan for dealing with its problems is to stop counting them. It's the first census designed by a guy hiding his bank statements from his wife.
by Anonymous · 32% say too soon (198 votes)
The census won't ask about sexual orientation anymore. It'll still ask how many toilets you have. The government has decided your plumbing is more important than your marriage, which is also what your plumber thinks.
by Anonymous · 78% say too soon (27 votes)
This Congress holds the record for the longest shutdown in history and they're all up for re-election. Democracy is a dog that keeps eating the chocolate.
by Anonymous · 37% say too soon (192 votes)
A super PAC is spending $10 million to help Ken Paxton win the Texas Senate seat. Ten million dollars for a man who was impeached by his own party and acquitted by the same one. Texas doesn't have elections, it has re-enactments.
by Anonymous · 42% say too soon (83 votes)
The shutdown ended after 43 days, just in time for Thanksgiving. Nothing says gratitude like getting your first paycheck since Halloween.
by Anonymous · 24% say too soon (83 votes)
Madonna's been nominated for VMAs in every decade of her career. Five decades. She's outlasted MTV playing music, the record label, two husbands, and the Catholic Church's patience. The award's a formality. The survival's the act.
by Anonymous · 43% say too soon (80 votes)
or with a username